France internally selected Louane and then chose to reveal “Maman,” her ballad about motherhood, at… the halftime show of a Scotland v France rugby match…? Though Louane was one of the first artists announced, her song was the last one to be released. France is one of the big five countries which means Louane is guaranteed a spot in the final.

It is a touching song addressed to her mother (who passed away), as she ruminates on being a mother herself.  It’s emotional, it’s poetic, and it is… boring. 

Somehow, despite standing on a floating platform, complete with pyrotechnics, while a marching band plays below, this song does not capture our attention. The setting and the song do not match. And even the (quintessentially French) black sparkly outfit cannot save this for us. 

Additionally, C has 2 nits to pick with this song. First, she does not like kids’ voices in otherwise not kid songs – and even though this one is sweet and satisfying, it still gets knocked down a point. Secondly, the pronunciation of maman in French includes one of those really nasally vowel sounds that gets especially annoying when you repeat it 16 times. That one nasal ã sound is the most repeated sound in the whole song, and it is emphasized each time she sings it. It’s not just “maman,” it’s: “mamaaa~aaaaa~aaa~aan.”

Louane is a big deal singer in France and in Europe generally. If there had been lower expectations going into this release, and if the release had not been a live halftime show of a rugby match, maybe we would like it better. Truly, this song would have done better with a simple black and white music video where she sings at a piano (like her other song entitled “Maman” from 2015). 

However, Louane may be able to really bring this song to life on the Eurovision stage, so we look forward to seeing it there. 

And, for those of you keeping track, “Maman” is the first entry we are covering this year that includes French (1 of 6 total this year – ironic how we think France is the worst one), and the first entry that fits in our “hanging from the ceiling” category (1 of 7 this year).